A Cat’s Guide to Retail Therapy
Hello there, Mingles. It’s me — your fabulous, slightly judgy, but oh-so-adorable fluffy ginger cat. I see you there on the couch, wrapped in a blanket burrito, doom-scrolling through the same three apps. I know that look — sadness has come knocking again, huh? Well, fear not! This mighty whiskered therapist is here to guide you through the ancient art of retail therapy.
You see, I’ve observed you for years (it’s my job, I’m basically your tiny fuzzy surveillance camera). I know what cheers you up faster than my unexpected butt-in-face moments at 3 AM — shopping online. And guess what? I fully support this noble tradition.
Step 1: Browse, Baby, Browse
First, open that shiny browser and visit your favorite online shops — especially the one featuring yours truly on mugs, shirts, totes, and other delightful hooman accessories. Staring at pictures of me should lift your mood instantly. I’m basically serotonin with fur.
Step 2: Add to Cart — Like You Mean It
Next, go wild! See that cute mug with my majestic face on it? Add to cart. The sassy T-shirt that says “I work hard so my cat can live better”? Add to cart. A snuggly pillow to cry on while hugging me in printed form? Add. To. Cart.
Feel that tiny burst of excitement with each click? That’s your sadness slowly packing its bags and moving out.
Step 3: Choose Express Delivery — Treat Yo’ Self!
Why wait for happiness when you can have it express? Opt for the fastest delivery. Future You will thank Present You for the surprise parcel of joy arriving in just a couple of days. It’s like sending yourself a hug in a box. And honestly, who deserves it more than you? (Besides me, of course — I deserve everything.)
Step 4: Initiate Checkout — The Grand Finale
Deep breath. It’s time. Click that checkout button like you’re launching a rocket of self-love into the stratosphere. Enter those card details, confirm the address (preferably the one where I reside — so I can inspect your purchases for quality control).
Ahh, there it is — that post-checkout glow. That tiny jolt of dopamine, reminding you that you can make yourself feel better in small, healthy ways.
Step 5: Celebrate While You Wait
Now, curl up with me. I’ll graciously allow you to scratch my chin while you imagine unboxing your goodies. Maybe even take a nap — no, take three! The point is, you did something kind for yourself today. Good hooman!
Remember, Retail Therapy Is Just One Part
Okay, okay — real talk for a second. Retail therapy is fun (and my merch is truly life-changing — you’re welcome). But don’t forget to reach out to your other hoomans too. Talk about what’s weighing you down, watch silly cat videos (I recommend my greatest hits), or just sit by the window together and judge the neighborhood.
You’re not alone. You’ve got me — your ever-loyal emotional support floof — plus all these delightful cat-themed things arriving soon to remind you how loved you are.
So next time you feel that heavy cloud, open that tab, type in Merch by Ming, go to merchbyming.com and repeat after me: Add to cart, choose express delivery, initiate checkout.
And if you ever feel a bit guilty, just remember — you’re not buying stuff. You’re buying tiny pockets of happiness, sprinkled with fur and feline fabulousness.
Now, go on. Clickety-click, hooman. This cat’s empire isn’t going to build itself.